And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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