I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
