Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
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