I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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