Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Randomize
