You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
