i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Randomize
