We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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