Four minutes until I can fart!
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
