just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
