And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
