so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
