i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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