You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
