is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
