about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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