Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize