the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
