I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
