I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
