who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
