and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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