they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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