she was so not down for the gang bang
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Randomize
