We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Randomize