How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
This baby is an asshole
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
