Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
