drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
