Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
