i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
there's paper in my vomit.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
