My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
