I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
