i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
