you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
