God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
