okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
