turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
