Reggie can tackle my bush.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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