you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
