In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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