So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
50% drunk capacity currently
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
He? As in you personified your dick?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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