She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
