I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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