Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
