i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
He has the fingertips of a God
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