saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
