Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
