just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
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