tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
