Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I think I have vodka in my lungs
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Randomize
