Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
