I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
