Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
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