smell my finger.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
