I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
