I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
