Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
