areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
