you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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