I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
