Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Randomize
