there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
