Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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