is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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