please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
