The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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