I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
