You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
