There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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