how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
