Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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