I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
