just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
