My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize