i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
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